Thursday, September 27, 2007

I'll be right back...!

My business trips aren't usually as "interesting" as this most recent one, so I thought I'd share a few items.

1. When TSA looks at your driver's license and boarding pass, and says "ohhh.. ohhh my... um.. ohhhh" it's NOT A GOOD THING. Traveling by air with an expired driver's license will get you the "special treatment" by TSA- full pat-down, sniffer treatment, and carry-on inspection. JOY!

2. Did you know that when you see signs on hotel rooms that say "film preview here"; "film viewing here"; and "hospitality room" could be an indication that something rather odd is going on. Like an Adult Film Convention. Of course, that does explain the first guest I saw at the resort, who was wearing a t-shirt with "I'd Fuck Me" on the front.

3. Heartburn that lasts longer than a day is not heartburn.

4. Getting escorted off of an airplane by paramedics is REALLY embarrassing.

5. When the patient says "why are we going this way, when the hospital is way over THERE"... EMT's tend to say "um. I'll be RIGHT BACK" and then they disappear to the front of the bus.

6. When the ambulance driver stops on the side of the road to figure out where he is, the EMT in the back usually looks at you, and then says "I'll be RIGHT BACK" before he disappears to the front. Again.

7. See #6. AGAIN. (yes, he really did turn around THREE TIMES before finally finding the hospital)

8. Keeping your sense of humor during stressful times is very helpful. I'm sure that some day I will look back on the incredibly lost ambulance driver and laugh hysterically. I will.. won't I?

9. I'm allergic to iodine. Never knew that before last night. But when I showed the nurse the hives on my leg and redness on my chest, and she said "I'll be RIGHT BACK"... I figured there was a problem.

10. When injected, iodine give you a really weird taste in your mouth, makes you incredibly warm, and makes you feel like you have to pee. Really bad.

11. Isopropyl alcohol tastes exactly how it smells- nasty.

12. Isopropyl alcohol can be magically transported to your taste buds when injected into your iv. Very weird. And nasty. (see #8)

13. Breathing without pain is a luxury we take for granted.

14. I will never take breathing without pain for granted again.

15. Having pleurisy is painful, but at least the other diagnosis didn't come true- a blood clot in my lung.

16. Pain meds make me really sleepy, but not as loopy as iv Benadryl does.

In case you haven't noticed, I heard "I'll be RIGHT BACK" a LOT last night. At least 4 or 5 times, maybe more. I'd laugh right now, thinking about the past two days, but it hurts too much to laugh so I think I'll just go to sleep and dream about laughing instead.


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