Where's Larry?
You know... there are embarrassing moments in life, and then there's OH.MY.GOD...JUST KILL ME NOW embarrassing moments in life.
Embarrassing: Realizing you have a HUGE hole in the crotch of your pants AFTER you've conducted several business meetings.
Embarrassing: Having your 6 year-old run through the pool store, toward the outdoor bar setup, yelling "OHHHHH YEAH!!!! FREE BEER!!!!!" (DAMN that fake beer. I sure could have used a REAL one by the time I got to that child. sheesh)
Embarrassing: Farting, REPEATEDLY, while laughing at the dinner table- the first time your new boyfriend meets your parents.
Embarrassing: Having your 60ish male boss, stop at your desk, hands on hips, and ask you, "AFSis.. have you ever had a YEAST INFECTION?".. and he's TOTALLY serious. Then, wondering why you and your other female co-worker are beet red and flabbergasted, says "WELL. My Doctor told me I have a YEAST INFECTION in my MOUTH.. and I've never had one before. Hell- I've never even HEARD of one before!" I swear to God, I actually said "If you have a yeast infection in your mouth, I don't even want to know what you've been eating"... and then told him to go call his wife and ask her the same question. Next sound we heard from his office was the phone slamming down, followed by "AWWWW SHIT!" Gina and I STILL crack up just at the thought of that day.
Embarrassing: Explaining to your son how (and why) to wear a cup/jock- when you're the MOM and you've never worn one of the damn things, so you have to ASK THE P.E. TEACHER for instructions. (oh, SHUT UP)
Embarrassing: Pulling papers out of your briefcase, causing THREE TAMPONS to fly out with the papers, landing at your new boss's feet. I guess I should be happy they were unused and wrapped, eh?
OH.MY.GOD... JUST KILL ME NOW Embarrassing: Today. Looking for Larry.
I had a meeting today with a new client, Larry, and the broker. We (the broker and I) arrived after a 45 min. drive, so I asked where the bathroom was. "Right here", says the broker, followed by "I'm going to go tell Larry we're here".
I put my stuff down on the conference table, and headed toward the bathroom door. As I grabbed the door handle, the broker says "Huh, I wonder where Larry is. He's not in his office."
I open the unlocked bathroom door.
"FOUND LARRY!"
OH.MY.GOD.
There was Larry, pants gathered around his ankles, sitting on the toilet, reading the paper!!!!!!!!!!!! Ho.Lee.SHIT. (well, OK... don't know if it was holy or not)
I'm not sure who was more embarrassed... but you can damn well bet that by the time I got into that bathroom, I made sure it was locked BEFORE dropping trou!
Don't be surprised if the next time you look up "embarrassed" in Webster's, it just says "see Larry... HERE", with a link to this post.
Embarrassing: Realizing you have a HUGE hole in the crotch of your pants AFTER you've conducted several business meetings.
Embarrassing: Having your 6 year-old run through the pool store, toward the outdoor bar setup, yelling "OHHHHH YEAH!!!! FREE BEER!!!!!" (DAMN that fake beer. I sure could have used a REAL one by the time I got to that child. sheesh)
Embarrassing: Farting, REPEATEDLY, while laughing at the dinner table- the first time your new boyfriend meets your parents.
Embarrassing: Having your 60ish male boss, stop at your desk, hands on hips, and ask you, "AFSis.. have you ever had a YEAST INFECTION?".. and he's TOTALLY serious. Then, wondering why you and your other female co-worker are beet red and flabbergasted, says "WELL. My Doctor told me I have a YEAST INFECTION in my MOUTH.. and I've never had one before. Hell- I've never even HEARD of one before!" I swear to God, I actually said "If you have a yeast infection in your mouth, I don't even want to know what you've been eating"... and then told him to go call his wife and ask her the same question. Next sound we heard from his office was the phone slamming down, followed by "AWWWW SHIT!" Gina and I STILL crack up just at the thought of that day.
Embarrassing: Explaining to your son how (and why) to wear a cup/jock- when you're the MOM and you've never worn one of the damn things, so you have to ASK THE P.E. TEACHER for instructions. (oh, SHUT UP)
Embarrassing: Pulling papers out of your briefcase, causing THREE TAMPONS to fly out with the papers, landing at your new boss's feet. I guess I should be happy they were unused and wrapped, eh?
OH.MY.GOD... JUST KILL ME NOW Embarrassing: Today. Looking for Larry.
I had a meeting today with a new client, Larry, and the broker. We (the broker and I) arrived after a 45 min. drive, so I asked where the bathroom was. "Right here", says the broker, followed by "I'm going to go tell Larry we're here".
I put my stuff down on the conference table, and headed toward the bathroom door. As I grabbed the door handle, the broker says "Huh, I wonder where Larry is. He's not in his office."
I open the unlocked bathroom door.
"FOUND LARRY!"
OH.MY.GOD.
There was Larry, pants gathered around his ankles, sitting on the toilet, reading the paper!!!!!!!!!!!! Ho.Lee.SHIT. (well, OK... don't know if it was holy or not)
I'm not sure who was more embarrassed... but you can damn well bet that by the time I got into that bathroom, I made sure it was locked BEFORE dropping trou!
Don't be surprised if the next time you look up "embarrassed" in Webster's, it just says "see Larry... HERE", with a link to this post.
posted by AFSister at 5:34 PM | 
1 Comments:
This post was absolutely hilarious!! I especially loved the story of the yeast infection. I can just picture that poor man when his wife explained things to him.
By
Anonymous, at 9:12 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home