Monday, December 26, 2005

Things I learned today

1. Saying things like "That's one more thing we have in common" while sleeping in the same bed with the man you are divorcing is *not* a good thing.

2. Apologizing for #1 doesn't work- even though I don't remember any dreams I had last night.

3. Going to Kenwood Mall at 1:30 today was *not* a good idea.

4. Interfering with my choice of a parking space after driving around Kenwood Mall for an HOUR is also *not* a good idea...for YOU. (GROWL-HISS)

5. When digging for lost shoes under the sofa, make sure the one you find actually matches the one you're already wearing or else you could find yourself wearing two different shoes.

6. When standing near a woman who has just discovered she is wearing two different shoes, "OH, FUCK ME" and laughter may be heard. "Please ignore the red-faced woman at pump #3- she's wearing two different shoes and wondering how many people she's seen over the past several hours actually noticed this fact."

7. Should you find yourself out shopping the day after Christmas, after spending an hour driving around the parking lot, only to find yourself wearing two different shoes, buying a new pair of shoes is a perfectly acceptable solution.

8. According to Danyelle, the 4-year-old across the street, Kevin is a "hottie", and she's "all done dumping him- he's my boyfriend again." (said with a certain finger-snap-and-a-swirl-shoulder-shake attitude that she must have learned from her teenaged sister)

9. My favorite holidays are the ones I get to spend with my loved ones.

10. Elvis's feet smell like an empty old microwave popcorn bag. ick.


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