Sunday, December 18, 2005


This may not flow, but I have a few things on my mind about family.

My parents called me tonight to inform me of the death of a family member. I expected it to be my Dad's Uncle Gailon. His health has been failing over the past few years. I never dreamed the call would be about Uncle Gailon's grandson, my cousin, Troy, and his fiancee. Troy isn't a close cousin, but I do know him. He's a good bit younger than me, probably 10 or 12 years. He was a BIG kid. I mean HUGE. Pro-Football Linebacker huge. And hyper as hell. I haven't seen him in a very long time- probably 10 or 12 years. According to my aunt, Troy lost control of his car during a thunderstorm and hit another car head-on.

There was a wreck here this past week which nearly killed an entire family- three out of four family members died. The lone survivor is in critical condition, and may not know that her Mom, Dad and sister were killed. I'd hate to be the one to tell her. Then just yesterday, two brothers were driving, got in an accident, and the younger brother was killed.

Details regarding the causes of these accidents have not been released. But it doesn't really matter. The result is the same: families here and across the country will be dealing with the untimely deaths of family members over the Christmas season. You all probably know this already, but I was named after my Dad's sister who was killed in a car accident (drunk driver) on Christmas Eve, 1966. My Dad's family has again been struck by tragedy so close to Christmas. I wonder how they get through it. How they get past it.... I know they're not alone. It happens all the time.

It's been 5 years since I had a close relative die. It was my Mom's Mom; my Grandma. Christmas was her favorite time of year. The last Christmas at her house, she was on oxygen and had just been released from the hospital. We all looked at her and knew: this was going to be our last Christmas with her. Even so, that next Christmas was a real bitch. Lots of tears and memories. It's gotten easier, but I still miss her terribly. I won't be going to Troy's funeral- it's too far away, and like I said, I haven't seen him in many years. However, my thoughts and prayers will drift South on Tuesday as Troy and his fiancee are buried in Alabama. God bless your soul, Troy.

This will be my boy's last Christmas morning with both of their parents, and they don't even know it. I wonder what it will be like next year, when they will either wake up on Christmas morning at my house, or Bryan's. I wonder if they would remember it differently if they knew it would never be like this again. We're trying to make it invsible to them this year, but next year that won't be happening. I wonder how we'll split up holidays, and what that will be like. It scares me, and saddens me. Sometimes they get me so frustrated, and then other times, they are so sweet and fun and wonderful. I often wonder how this divorce will affect their personalities.


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