Sunday, November 04, 2007

Debunking The Armorer

John (lovingly, I'm sure) posted the differences between guns and wimmen-folk. Not that I take offense (it is in jest afterall), but I'd like to set the record straight. John's remarks are in brackets; mine in lovely, curvy, feminine italics.

Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. [This is utterly false. The Armorer never lets go of a weapon once it enters the books. That's why he has a *Collectors* license, not a *Dealer* license. I gather, not disperse.] John.. John.. John.. you missed the most obvious reason not to switch out your 44 for a 22: women become extraordinarily horny once they reach 40.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road. [Only two? Pikers.] Sounds more like a Sailor than a Soldier, John. heh.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times. [True. I cultivate those kinds of relationships. It is true for the Armorer, as well.] True. I'll grant you that. But men- take heed: if a buddy admires your woman, take it as a compliment and an ego boost; not a request for a test drive.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup. [The Armorer doesn't carry. That's what the tank is for. Okay, we don't have a tank. Yet.] Men, I recommend that you take your sausage hostage instead.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo. [True. That's why we get the bayonets. Hate to damage a stock, especially some of the antique stocks in which the wood is a little dry and might snap at the wrist when buttstroking your antagonist.] Ohhhh John... all that talk about buttstroking is getting me hawt, but I could do without the the dry wood. Just remember- if you run out of ammo, you do have other options for pleasuring your woman.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. [Well, one might not, but, well, 30 do.] So... John... are you saying that you need 30 women to fill your closet? Sounds like a big closet.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month. [Heh. As long as they've been lovingly cared for, properly lubed, and you feed them right, otherwise they can have... issues. Especially semi-autos.] Like WK said, I function normally every day of the month- I just have a little extra-special "lube" for about 5 of those days. Can you say "Red Wings"??

#3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?" [No, in fact many of us like fatter grips. Easier to control the motion of recoil.] *sigh* If only more men wanted fatter grips on their women- not for control, but rather to provide more motion in the ocean (or recoil, if you prefer).

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it. [As long as you cleaned it, anyway.] Again, I have to refer to WK on this one. I prefer being cleaned after being used also. Just sayin...

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN [Heh. Not in Kansas you can't. Legally, anyway. And no, I have no idea where to get one illegally. Nor do I intend to make one.] Huh. And here I thought that men came with their own natural silencer. I guess you just have to know where to put it.


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