NYC Killing Spree Leaves Five Dead

A 45-year-old NYC park worker went on a killing rampage this weekend. He recklessly drove his city-issued golf cart in a park, purposely running down FIVE innocent birds! The perpetrator and the names of the deceased have not yet been released by the police, pending notification of next of kin.

What did these pigeons and seagulls do to you, Mister!??? Do you have any idea what you've done?
Those birds had FAMILY... they had a FUTURE! Now, there will be no dive-bombing at the piers; no free meals at city hall or Central Park; no squacks of target-practice joy heard overhead... NOTHING. There will be 5 empty spots on the branch at Suzie's Fledgling Flight celebration. Five innocent lives... LOST. (well, ok. Charles wasn't so innocent- he was known for stealing birdseed, and Kelly did lay eggs before James joined her in marital bliss). Have you NO CONSCIENCE? No sense of right or wrong? Why, oh why, did your parents pay for those driving lessons which you later turned into a Skill to Kill!???? Someone should hold them responsible!

And these families have NO MONEY to sue your ass, or the NYC Park District! I'm hoping and praying that PETA steps up to the plate and provides the best bird-kill lawyers in the country to sue the city of New York for hiring someone with obvious mental issues and providing him with a weapon of mass destruction- FOR FREE.

ohhhhhhh THE HORROR OF IT ALL.....
I hope you ROT IN JAIL, MISTER!

If you'd like to help out these crushed families, please send your donations to:
Victims Of Rampaging Park Workers
PO Box 666
NY, NY 20069

*The story above has been brought to you by AFSis's evil twin, who read this front-page story on FoxNews last night. SNERK*